Livin' each day

I started titling this entry but couldn't come up with the right words...so whatever it says now I came up with after I got out my thoughts...

About 6 weeks ago I wrote out a weekday schedule for me and the boys. I explained to them that schedules could be changed but that they were there to keep up focused on what we think is most important to do during our days. Here's Monday for an example:

Monday:

930am Learning Time

1030am Music Class

1130am Lunch and play

130pm Naps

330pm See a friend or run errands

I realized this is important for me and the boys for 2 main reasons:

1) Sanity.

2) Putting my values into action

Sanity. Important. I need some structure. I get very down when I wake up every morning thinking 'what the hell am I going to do all day long?' Even if its a simple outline of a plan, it helps my mental state. It also lets the boys know "there is something bigger going on in this house than what you want at any given moment." Now I also change things sometimes and Andrew is beginning to understand that sometimes we have opportunities that are absolutely worth throwing the schedule out the window in order to pursue. And we do. But that's the exception.

Putting my values into action.... Here's what I mean. I realized that there is a list of things I place value on for me and my kids. Many of these were flying under my radar. If they didn't happen, I'd get restless or irritated. It was important to get this stuff out on a piece of paper so I could talk to Bill and we could say "yes that is important" or "no - let that one go...not now." Here are a few in no particular order:

1) Loving our friends in action

2) Playing outside

3) Learning how to swim

4) Being in environments around other children

5) Learning to read and loving books

6) Having experiences together- getting out and about to see new things

7) Mom getting to exercise regularly

8) Cooking meals and keeping our home running smoothly

9) Having unstructured time (irony? I think so) to play together as brothers

So I listed out what these were and they have found their way into our schedule in a structured way. This is to make sure that I am acutally living out what I think is important in how I spend our time together and how I prioritize what happens each day. It's helped me to paint a picture of my week with purpose. This way I don't lose sight of why I stay home with them and what all these small things are really about. Otherwise when I'm chasing Luke around while Andrew is in his swim lesson, I could start to think it's not all worth it. And then I remember - "oh yeah -- it's really important to me that he learns how to swim at a young age...so it's worth a sacrifice for Luke for 30 minutes."

In my next entry I am going to tell you about what we do on Tuesdays. It's fast become my favorite thing. And it's definitely come under some resistance (not from the kids -- from me!). But it's my favorite. More to come on that.

I've never had trouble adopting discipline or routine. But the longer I stay home with little ones who aren't yet in school, the more I realize that it's ME who needs to infuse the structure into our days according to what Bill and I value for our family. Livin' out what we think is important each day - even if it's super simple.

99 Days to Go!

For some reason, it seems note-worthy to say that we have less than 100 days to go before meeting our baby girl....and today my countdown above says we have 99 days to go!

Some of you are asking if we have a name. No we don't. We have 3-5 names we keep playing around with. They are mostly based upon things we feel about this baby. Here's a few:

We think this baby girl is going to bring our family LIGHT. As we've prayed for her, it's just a theme in scripture that we keep seeing. Here are a few to share:
Isaiah 60:19
"The sun will no more be your light by day, nor will the brightness of the moon shine on you. For the Lord will be your everlasting Light, and your God will be your glory."

Ephesians 5:8-14 ish
"...now you are light in the Lord: live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them...everything exposed by the light becomes visible for it is light that makes everything visible."

So we think our girl is a bearer of light from God...this is based entirely on what we hear in prayer. We believe that she will usher in more of God's goodness and righteousness with her light. She'll clarify and illuminate truth. This leads us to look for some names that mean light/torch/brightness/goodness/truth but so far, we have yet to settle on a favorite.

Other than names, we're feeling excited...getting rooms ready, picking out girly clothes and just generally preparing our home. I feel good - just a few minor pains pop up when I exercise. She moves around a LOT!

If you want to pray for us, you can pray for these things:

• That God would tell us her name.
• That our family and our marriage would be unified by her arrival.
• That our delivery experience will be beautiful: that I will go into labor naturally, progress well and push for less than 15 minutes.
• That she will be completely healthy, strong and peaceful.
• That our breastfeeding connection will be strong and immediate.
• That our doctor and nurses will be the right team to care for us in the hospital and that, if possible, our desire is for Dr Fitzgerald or Dr Wendel to deliver us.
• That our boys will welcome and love their baby sister. That their friendship as brothers will grow during this time.
• That no isolation or despair will try to settle on us in the first few months of her life when things are tough and adjustments are being made. That instead, as we feel God has promised, this time will be filled with LIGHT, community and love.

Thanks for all your prayers for our baby girl. 99 days to go.

Final Reflections on my Garden

As I've mulled over the gardening experience I did (or rather did NOT) have this year, I've come to realize something that I think God has now taught me... I don't inherently possess faithfulness. Faithfulness - I mean GOD'S kind of faithfulness - must be instilled in us through our relationship to him. Let me explain.

The garden began pretty well - decent seedlings that got planted in the ground, tomato plants that looked promising, etc... but as I surveyed the rest of the gardening process, I realized that I just simply lacked faithfulness to follow it through to the end. Here were some not-so-subtle examples:

I bought the stakes to put around the tomato plants, but never cut and actually used them.

I never fertilized even when I knew it would benefit the plants.

I didn't use the compost pile that was in my back woods to nourish them.

I did water but in a pretty disinterested way -- turn on the sprinkler, hope it gets them wet.

I had Irish Spring soap to cut up and sprinkle (to fend off the deer) but never used it so they ate the stalks of corn that grew.

I'm sure there are more but you're getting the picture. I just didn't care that much. I wasn't very faithful to my garden. And I'll tell you why: I'm not faithful on my own. I don't have it in me.

I began thinking about faithfulness. Jesus actually says that if we are faithful with a little, we'll be given much more. I was considering what I attempted with my garden as fairly modest/small, but actually - it was big. At least for me in an area where faithfulness hasn't grown.

Small would have been more appropriate for me. One or two tomato plants, perhaps. The thought of nurturing a whole garden was simply too much for me.

It's God's plan to build faithfulness for our sake. If we are faithful with something small, then we will learn to be faithful with bigger things. If we see the fruit in something small, we will be motivated to be faithful and believe in the fruit of bigger things to come.

I was thinking and thinking of that scripture and suddenly realized that I'd always viewed it as a test. "If you do this good and prove yourself, then I can give you more" says God. NO! God isn't testing my performance...he's growing my faithfulness. He can get the results without me, but He'd like my heart to grow more like His in the process.

I was feeling bummed about even the possibility of attempting another garden next year...just not very interested and wondering why God would tell me (which I KNEW He DID) to start a garden when I clearly sucked at it and barely liked it.

Now that I see my garden can shrink to the size of one potted tomato plant, I'm a little more willing. And I bet it yields more than the 20 green, inedible tomatos I got this year.

If we are faithful with a little, we'll be given a lot. Not because we've proven ourselves in a test of a capricious, judgmental God but because we've grown faithfulness and our hearts are looking more like His.

One or two tomato plants: I think I can handle that. I think.

(PS - that picture is what I hope to see next year: not one of my actual plants!)