A promise for us.

I ran across this verse in Isaiah a few months ago and have felt the past 2 weeks that God has really put it on my heart to memorize and keep these as a promise for the delivery of our baby.

Isaiah 66:9
"Do I bring to the moment of birth
and not give delivery?" says the LORD.
"Do I close up the womb
when I bring to delivery?" says your God.

We have had beautiful experiences delivering both of our babies. But I would definitely say that the pushing-phase of delivery has been frustrating and difficult for both. Both pushing experiences have lasted approximately 2 hours (Andrew a little less, Luke a little more) with Luke being face-up and very difficult to get out.

So anyway.... I think that God wants me to just believe that He is the One Who Delivers these babies. And it's in His time and His way.
Agree with us on this and please pray that we would just trust Him to bring our baby girl out when the moment is right...no excessive "trying," no frustration...just patience and trust.

The wisdom in Proverbs

I'd read the book of Proverbs several times in the past and many times gone searching there for specific understanding...but never has Proverbs spoken to me so deeply as in the past couple months. I'm on my second straight pass through it - a chapter a day with a weekly memory verse.
I can't explain this except to say that different scripture just comes alive at different times based upon what God is interested in saying to me (or us). I think He is desiring a building up and deeper understanding of His wisdom at the present time.

I couldn't help but be struck by all the commands in Proverbs to "keep his knowledge in your heart" "carry his commands with you" and to have access to this knowledge at all times. So I've decided that absolutely means committing it to memory and having it just written on my heart. This way God can dig it up and speak it back to me whenever he wants to.

So if you're reading this, I'd encourage to be reading and memorizing some Proverbs that speak to you. Here are mine of late:

Proverbs 3:25-26 "Have no fear of sudden disaster or the ruin that overtakes the wicked. For the Lord is your confidence and He will keep your foot from being snared."

Proverbs 6:23 "For these commands are a lamp and this teaching a light and the corrections of discipline are the way to life."

Proverbs 16:32 "Better to be patient than powerful and better to have self-control than to conquer a city."

Proverbs 21:21 "He who pursues righteousness and love will find life, prosperity and honor."

Proverbs 28:13 "He who conceals his sins will not prosper but he who confesses and renounces them will find mercy."

Tuesdays

Has it really been 30 more days in my pregnancy that have gone by? I can't believe it. Anyway - next post was going to be about Tuesdays....

On Tuesdays we have "friend time." It goes like this: we say a prayer and talk about which friend is coming to our minds. Sometimes Andrew and I agree on one friend and sometimes we each do a different friend. Then, we decide what to do to LOVE THEM. We ask Jesus how we might be able to love them today. And then we do it. And we follow it through until it's finished. Here are a few that we've done:

• Baked our favorite neighbor some cinnamon muffins and hand-delivered them. Warm.
• Painted pictures with stickers for Uncle John and Matt, written them a note about why we love them and taken it straight to the post office.
• Gone to the store, bought a little outfit for our friend's new baby boy and taken it over.
• Painted pictures for our friend/neighbor girl and on each page we wrote a word that reminds us of her "Loving" "Fashionable" "Sweet" "Gentle" - stuff like that.
• Fulfilled a commitment to a friend that I'd long ago needed to follow through on.
• Baked cookies to say thank-you to someone who was good to us.
• Made up a Halloween treat bag for someone that mommy doesn't really like and talked about how Jesus says that we return good to someone even when they treat us poorly. And how that changes our heart toward them. And it has.

This has been really fun for us to do together. It's gotten us thinking of other people. It's been a way that I can teach my boys how to actively love someone.

I've noticed that there is often resistance inside me to this... lack of desire to follow-through, thoughts that come into my mind that I'm just trying to be a "do-gooder" and this doesn't mean anything and just general apathy sometimes. But these, of course, are lies. Lies I believe are meant to keep us from doing these tiny things to change our own hearts, practice love and plant seeds of it in the lives of others.

Tuesdays are cool.

Livin' each day

I started titling this entry but couldn't come up with the right words...so whatever it says now I came up with after I got out my thoughts...

About 6 weeks ago I wrote out a weekday schedule for me and the boys. I explained to them that schedules could be changed but that they were there to keep up focused on what we think is most important to do during our days. Here's Monday for an example:

Monday:

930am Learning Time

1030am Music Class

1130am Lunch and play

130pm Naps

330pm See a friend or run errands

I realized this is important for me and the boys for 2 main reasons:

1) Sanity.

2) Putting my values into action

Sanity. Important. I need some structure. I get very down when I wake up every morning thinking 'what the hell am I going to do all day long?' Even if its a simple outline of a plan, it helps my mental state. It also lets the boys know "there is something bigger going on in this house than what you want at any given moment." Now I also change things sometimes and Andrew is beginning to understand that sometimes we have opportunities that are absolutely worth throwing the schedule out the window in order to pursue. And we do. But that's the exception.

Putting my values into action.... Here's what I mean. I realized that there is a list of things I place value on for me and my kids. Many of these were flying under my radar. If they didn't happen, I'd get restless or irritated. It was important to get this stuff out on a piece of paper so I could talk to Bill and we could say "yes that is important" or "no - let that one go...not now." Here are a few in no particular order:

1) Loving our friends in action

2) Playing outside

3) Learning how to swim

4) Being in environments around other children

5) Learning to read and loving books

6) Having experiences together- getting out and about to see new things

7) Mom getting to exercise regularly

8) Cooking meals and keeping our home running smoothly

9) Having unstructured time (irony? I think so) to play together as brothers

So I listed out what these were and they have found their way into our schedule in a structured way. This is to make sure that I am acutally living out what I think is important in how I spend our time together and how I prioritize what happens each day. It's helped me to paint a picture of my week with purpose. This way I don't lose sight of why I stay home with them and what all these small things are really about. Otherwise when I'm chasing Luke around while Andrew is in his swim lesson, I could start to think it's not all worth it. And then I remember - "oh yeah -- it's really important to me that he learns how to swim at a young age...so it's worth a sacrifice for Luke for 30 minutes."

In my next entry I am going to tell you about what we do on Tuesdays. It's fast become my favorite thing. And it's definitely come under some resistance (not from the kids -- from me!). But it's my favorite. More to come on that.

I've never had trouble adopting discipline or routine. But the longer I stay home with little ones who aren't yet in school, the more I realize that it's ME who needs to infuse the structure into our days according to what Bill and I value for our family. Livin' out what we think is important each day - even if it's super simple.

99 Days to Go!

For some reason, it seems note-worthy to say that we have less than 100 days to go before meeting our baby girl....and today my countdown above says we have 99 days to go!

Some of you are asking if we have a name. No we don't. We have 3-5 names we keep playing around with. They are mostly based upon things we feel about this baby. Here's a few:

We think this baby girl is going to bring our family LIGHT. As we've prayed for her, it's just a theme in scripture that we keep seeing. Here are a few to share:
Isaiah 60:19
"The sun will no more be your light by day, nor will the brightness of the moon shine on you. For the Lord will be your everlasting Light, and your God will be your glory."

Ephesians 5:8-14 ish
"...now you are light in the Lord: live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them...everything exposed by the light becomes visible for it is light that makes everything visible."

So we think our girl is a bearer of light from God...this is based entirely on what we hear in prayer. We believe that she will usher in more of God's goodness and righteousness with her light. She'll clarify and illuminate truth. This leads us to look for some names that mean light/torch/brightness/goodness/truth but so far, we have yet to settle on a favorite.

Other than names, we're feeling excited...getting rooms ready, picking out girly clothes and just generally preparing our home. I feel good - just a few minor pains pop up when I exercise. She moves around a LOT!

If you want to pray for us, you can pray for these things:

• That God would tell us her name.
• That our family and our marriage would be unified by her arrival.
• That our delivery experience will be beautiful: that I will go into labor naturally, progress well and push for less than 15 minutes.
• That she will be completely healthy, strong and peaceful.
• That our breastfeeding connection will be strong and immediate.
• That our doctor and nurses will be the right team to care for us in the hospital and that, if possible, our desire is for Dr Fitzgerald or Dr Wendel to deliver us.
• That our boys will welcome and love their baby sister. That their friendship as brothers will grow during this time.
• That no isolation or despair will try to settle on us in the first few months of her life when things are tough and adjustments are being made. That instead, as we feel God has promised, this time will be filled with LIGHT, community and love.

Thanks for all your prayers for our baby girl. 99 days to go.

Final Reflections on my Garden

As I've mulled over the gardening experience I did (or rather did NOT) have this year, I've come to realize something that I think God has now taught me... I don't inherently possess faithfulness. Faithfulness - I mean GOD'S kind of faithfulness - must be instilled in us through our relationship to him. Let me explain.

The garden began pretty well - decent seedlings that got planted in the ground, tomato plants that looked promising, etc... but as I surveyed the rest of the gardening process, I realized that I just simply lacked faithfulness to follow it through to the end. Here were some not-so-subtle examples:

I bought the stakes to put around the tomato plants, but never cut and actually used them.

I never fertilized even when I knew it would benefit the plants.

I didn't use the compost pile that was in my back woods to nourish them.

I did water but in a pretty disinterested way -- turn on the sprinkler, hope it gets them wet.

I had Irish Spring soap to cut up and sprinkle (to fend off the deer) but never used it so they ate the stalks of corn that grew.

I'm sure there are more but you're getting the picture. I just didn't care that much. I wasn't very faithful to my garden. And I'll tell you why: I'm not faithful on my own. I don't have it in me.

I began thinking about faithfulness. Jesus actually says that if we are faithful with a little, we'll be given much more. I was considering what I attempted with my garden as fairly modest/small, but actually - it was big. At least for me in an area where faithfulness hasn't grown.

Small would have been more appropriate for me. One or two tomato plants, perhaps. The thought of nurturing a whole garden was simply too much for me.

It's God's plan to build faithfulness for our sake. If we are faithful with something small, then we will learn to be faithful with bigger things. If we see the fruit in something small, we will be motivated to be faithful and believe in the fruit of bigger things to come.

I was thinking and thinking of that scripture and suddenly realized that I'd always viewed it as a test. "If you do this good and prove yourself, then I can give you more" says God. NO! God isn't testing my performance...he's growing my faithfulness. He can get the results without me, but He'd like my heart to grow more like His in the process.

I was feeling bummed about even the possibility of attempting another garden next year...just not very interested and wondering why God would tell me (which I KNEW He DID) to start a garden when I clearly sucked at it and barely liked it.

Now that I see my garden can shrink to the size of one potted tomato plant, I'm a little more willing. And I bet it yields more than the 20 green, inedible tomatos I got this year.

If we are faithful with a little, we'll be given a lot. Not because we've proven ourselves in a test of a capricious, judgmental God but because we've grown faithfulness and our hearts are looking more like His.

One or two tomato plants: I think I can handle that. I think.

(PS - that picture is what I hope to see next year: not one of my actual plants!)

Lessons by Andrew

Twice in the past week I have had poignant reminders about truth from my 3 year old. I love the age he's coming to where (some) things are starting to sink in...

We were filling out a personal page for his preschool class book and the last question to him was "Why are you special?" I asked him and immediately began thinking of the million things that make my boy special. He just looked at me and said "Because God made me that way."

Just today we were watching an airplane out the car window and I said "so buddy - do you think you might want to be a pilot someday?" And he said back to me "No mommy - I just want to be your kid. And Daddy's."

I love hearing the truth come out of him. These 2 instances reminded me just how simple we're allowed to be.

What Kids Know

So this is part 2 to our "it's a girl" story.

About a week before our sonogram, Andrew began telling people it's a girl. It wasn't as if he was saying he really wanted a baby sister or was desiring it himself...he just stated it as fact.

Bill said to me later that week that he now thought Andrew knew something and would be surprised if it were a boy (after previously thinking it was a boy).

I didn't know what to think except I'd had dreams in the past (none recent) about having a baby girl - even when I was pregnant with Luke. So I just told God that I trusted him to construct our family in the best and most joyful way for us.

We walked into the room and the ultrasound tech asked me if I thought I knew what it was. I told her no, but my 3-year-old kept saying it was a girl. And here's what she said....

"I've been doing this for 20 years and anytime a little child walks in my room with a strong conviction about the sex: I think about 90% of the time they are correct.""

What?!?? Did I hear her right? Approximately 90% of kids who THINK they know; DO KNOW.

This just reinforced what I already believed...children are clearer vessels to have discernment from God and hear the voice of God. This was just one small crazy example. I love it.

It's a GIRL!!!

Bill and I have a tradition. All 3 pregnancies we have sealed the results of our ultrasounds in an envelope and gone out to dinner that evening to open it together and celebrate. This one was a jaw-dropper. We're having a girl!

We went to the Precinct and brought the envelope. As Bill opened it and looked, he said "Alli - seriously - it's just the picture from the ultrasound...it doesn't say boy or girl and I can't tell." My heart dropped at the thought of having to call the office the next day to find out. He wasn't kidding. But as I took the picture that the tech had sealed in the envelope I noticed right there, typed directly into the photo by her was the word GIRL with !!!!!!!! after it.

It's taken us a couple days to let it sink in that we are actually having a beautiful, girly little girl. And we can't wait. I'm looking for pink things already and couldn't wait to go out the next day and buy the baby something sweet. I didn't find anything I liked but Andrew did pick out a pink sleeper with the word "Love" on the front as his gift to baby girl.

More in another posting on what we feel like God is telling us already about our baby girl. We want that to lead us to a name but so far, we're all over the map. No front-runners.

Right now, I just keep smiling to myself thinking "I get to have a girl."

Together-ness

Today I was thinking to myself "I wish Krissy was here right now." And I wasn't doing anything special...just watching my boys play in the hose on the driveway. And wishing for togetherness with my friend. So - I did the next best thing and called her instead.

This happens to me a lot. I go about my days and weeks and meet up with friends when it works out (less than I'd like), but in myself I find a longing. It's not loneliness (usually). It's simply a longing to share my life with my friends. And sometimes it's just the fatigue of being alone.

This morning my 'Wednesday sitter' Amanda got sick and cancelled. It's certainly best for everyone that she rest and get well. But it suddenly changed my day. And the thing that salvaged my morning was getting to meet my friend Susan at storytime with our kids. Now there was no significant conversation between us while we chased our kids around the Blue Manatee, but somehow it's just better being together.

Even on vacation I found myself in the peace of the dude-ranch longing to share this off-beat place with our friends and their kids: wanting them with us.

I just looked up "together" in the Bible and focused on the NT...and found some interesting things even just researching where that word pops up. Things happen spiritually when we are simply "together." The bible says we are encouraged, we are bound in love, we are held together in unity, we grasp the love of Jesus more, we become holy, we understand the Lord's Word and we have more joy.

In short, it seems that being together is our natural state and being apart is the strange, unnatural place to be.
I'm not feeling discouraged or lonely -- I just think the Lord wants me to notice how much I long to be together with others. And He's in my ears saying "yep - that's how it's supposed to be."

"Most Lovable"

Today I picked up Andrew from a morning at the Healthplex Kids Sports Camp. It was all about learning new sports. They made the kids medals that were hanging around their necks. On the way out he said "mommy - look at my medal..." And upon closer inspection I realized that each kid had a little affirmation written on their medal. Andrew's medal said.....

"Most Lovable."

If my kid ever wins any award in his lifetime I hope it's about being a loving kid.
I almost cried.

Garden Update

I'm not going to lie to you: it's not going well. You are looking at a picture of our total yield so far. About 8 green beans.

We started with a variety of seeds, seedlings and full plants - none are doing well (except one - keep reading!). So far: the strawberries, sugar snap-peas and a few other things I can no longer recall never even broke through the surface.

The green beans are up but some animal keeps eating them. Otherwise I think they might be ok. The tomato plants have grown about 3 inches since I put them in the ground. Not one tomato yet.

But we have plenty of cilantro! However, turns out: although I love to eat cilantro...I don't have one recipe with cilantro in it. It sure smells good.

And lastly...the surprise! We actually have 4 stalks of corn growing. I think we may just get some corn! Bill mocked me mercilessly (and countless others told me that I was crazy for even thinking that corn would come up). And: that's the only darn thing I can get to grow.

Here are some things I'm discovering:

• Soil really matters. Our soil isn't great for growing things (becoming evident at this point!)...and we could do things to improve it.
• Fertilizer (or compost) really would help, if I could just get motivated to get some.
• I'm interested in having vegetables but I'm not that interested in gardening. (I knew this already but I really thought it might change)

However: I'm determined this won't be my last year. It's only my first. Next year I need to put much more energy into preparing the soil and then fertilizing what's there. I just wanted to stick it in the dirt below my mulch and water it and then go out and collect my veges. Guess that's not going to work so well.

If this garden mirrors anything about God then I'm starting to understand that the preparation and the actual condition of the soil could be the most important thing we do. I guess you could call that the foundation of the garden. And God is really into foundations...so this shouldn't be a surprise. Foundations foundations foundations. This is where it's at. The no-glory, little seen disciplines that lead to the biggest yield. God loves foundations, so I should have seen that a garden wasn't going anywhere without a good one either. The truth is the truth no matter where we apply it.

In Isaiah 61:11 it says that the Lord = the soil. That seems pretty important. "For as the soil makes the sprout come up and a garden causes seeds to grow, so the Sovereign LORD will make righteousness and praise spring up before all nations."

Friends

I've been doing a lot of friendship-thinkin' lately. Not only did I just speak on this topic at Crossroads 2 weeks ago, but I've also just had a number of reasons to encounter new and old friends lately.
This is a picture of my beautiful friend, Stacy. It was a few weeks ago right before her little baby boy, Liam, was born. Stacy was my bestest (yep I said bestest), dearest high school (and long before that) friend. We were the friends who called each other the night before every school day to see what we were wearing the next day and went home with each other after school just because we didn't want to part-company. We told each other everything and still could. I regret the years in our 20s that we weren't in touch and have just loved getting to be part of her life again. This day was her baby shower. And I wanted to just hang around and talk to her and be near her as long as I could. I cried when I left just out of gratitude for being able to be part of celebrating her first child.

I'm also missing my Amy. I've written about Amy in the past. She lives in South Africa right now. And sometimes I miss her with an ache...the kind of missing when you long for your friend and have no idea when and where you are going to be able to see her again. It's just a hole sittin' there with little hope of getting filled up over Facebook and email.

And lately I know God has been showing me how to be a friend of His...how if I want to be in friendship with Him then I will lay down my life for my own friends. And I'm asking Him for ways to do that. And He's giving them to me. Sometimes not with the people that I thought He might. I'm actually excited to give myself up for my friends because I have a deeper understanding that it's actually GOD that I'm getting closer-to by doing that. Don't hold me to the "excitement" part: it's not always a fun proposition. But I do get, better now than ever, that when I commit to my friends, God takes that very seriously. He's serious about friendship. And the way I honor Stacy, Amy or any other friend is not just a matter between me and them: it's an issue between me and God.

Mind-Numbing

That's what I've felt like this week. Just like my mind was numb. I haven't been interested in reading much, writing much, talking much. I have wanted to keep to myself and recover. I feel like the pile-up of the past few months is now pushing me away from anything structured in study or writing. I've planned a lot of teaching and in every free second away from my kids I've had to engage my brain in something. And I'm pregnant, so I'm just tired. Bottom line: I'm feeling a little numb.
So I'm giving myself a break - this week it's pretty much been a cup of hot chocolate and a nap while the boys are down. And now this. But hot chocolate is next.

"She can laugh at the days to come..."

This is a quote from Proverbs 31. It's about a wife who works hard to love, care-for and make preparations for her family. I think God is pushing me to take this to the next level.

I saw this particular verse differently after the other night. There are 3 women I meet with on a regular basis. And we had a discussion about some of the "warnings" that the Lord seems to be giving his people. Warnings to be prepared, be watchful and do it now while things are ok.

You can call me crazy or call me wise. I guess only time will tell that. But, with Bill's blessing, we've decided to begin to take precautions that we've never taken in the past based upon some of the things people we know are hearing lately from God.

Now, I don't even like it when Bill buys 2 boxes of Wheat Thins at a time...let alone storing food for "some other day or time" we might need it. But - wisdom tells me it's time to change my spots on this one.

I'm developing and purchasing several things for my family: a water supply, an emergency food supply, a basic supplies inventory that would cover staying warm, having lighting, having a cooking source, sanitation w/o water, etc.

And there's no fear here. Just a desire to follow the Lord into whatever will happen in our world to come. I'd like to be able to laugh in the midst of it.

PS - If you're interested, here's the fantastic website I used to learn and prepare my lists:

http://www.family-survival-planning.com/

Bread without Yeast

I should be doing something else right now. But instead I'm looking up recipes to make bread without yeast.

Why?

I'm not sure.

At least the only reason I have is because it is a thought that I believe comes from God. It's come to me at least 4-6 times in the past month. What a weird thought..."hey - I should learn how to make bread. And I don't think it should have any yeast."

I know there's a lot of biblical stuff in yeast. Can't say I know too much about it all except that God generally thinks we should avoid it. And it typically represents bad stuff. (Is this right - any yeast bible experts out there?)

In any case - I think God wants to me have on hand the recipe (and maybe an attempt or 2 under my belt) and all the ingredients.

How long do things like cornmeal, shortening and flour last? A long time, right? It just hit me that this could be some sort of preparation... a suggestion by God to have this knowledge and this preparation on-hand. Similar to my garden-thing... well, I'll let you know how my first bread-attempt goes. Probably about as good as my garden is going (not good - look for an update on that soon).

I sure hope God works well with fumbling attempts to follow. That's all I've got.

The Last will be First

Lately Andrew is concerned about whether he gets to go first (mostly vs his brother!). "Mommy - can I have the first Capri-Sun? the first turn? the first cup of milk? is this the first bath?" And on and on.

A few days ago I began to tell him about what Jesus says...that if we are following Jesus then we need to know that He says the first will end up being last and the last will end up being first. I explained that could mean something as simple as giving Luke the first cinnamon roll instead of asking for it himself. At first he didn't like this. But today he began saying "mommy - luke can go first...I'll be last." I don't know if it'll stick but I told him that made mommy's heart happy!

I was putting pasta into bowls for dinner tonight and Andrew said "Mommy - can I have the pink bowl? Jesus doesn't say anything about bowls, does he?!"

We're having a baby!!!

Yep, that's right. The Pattersons are having number 3. Woo hoo. We've told many of our friends now and our family. So - why not post it on the blog, now right?!

This baby is because of the timing and plans of the Lord. No doubt.

I had been diagnosed with a condition in my past called "PCOS." Basically - good luck ovulating...maybe a few times a year at most. Our first son we had the help of fertility medication. Each time they'd say "sorry - you didn't ovulate." But eventually we ended up pregnant. Our second one, we took one pill; the doctor told us it didn't work. And then the next month we got pregnant. So we weren't quite sure what happened there. And this time: nada. Just us and God.

God began telling people (Bill, me and a few friends) that He had planned a third baby for us. I think it was almost a year ago now when we first heard that. He's been doing that to a lot of people lately. Check out this post on my friend's blog: http://www.stevemanuel.net/Steven_Manuel/Blog./Entries/2009/6/3_The_God_Who_Makes_Babies.html

When I went in for the "confirmation of pregnancy" visit, the doctor (not my normal doc) said to me "in my experience it is highly unusual for this condition to reverse itself. And what you're telling me about the regularity of your cycle leads me to believe that that is, in fact, what has happened."

I wanted to say "Yep. Do you know Jesus? Guess what? Turns out He still heals people."

Anyway - I'm almost 10 weeks. Due January 15. And yes: we'll find out what we're having. That'll be a post sometime in September!

Snake Bite!

About 2 weeks ago I had a weird dream. I got a snake bite on the hand (between the thumb and first finger in that fleshy part). Not a backyard-kind-of-snake, but a SNAKE. It was black. It looked sort of like the picture I selected here. In the dream, I had to grab it by the tail and actually pull it's 2 fangs out of my hand and then throw it away from me. And, weirdly, I didn't seem to be hurt.

This dream happened right before I woke up in the morning, so I awakened thinking "ooohhh gross. That was awful." And I promptly dismissed it and moved on. It definitely left an impression, but I didn't have a feeling it was spiritually important at that time.

I'm reading a LOT in the book of Acts lately. And about 4 days ago I re-read the part at the very end when Paul is on Malta. He gets a snake bite - on the hand! And the island people want to treat him like a god because they're waiting for him to die and nothing ever happens to him.

So - I stop cold while I'm reading. And immediately remember my dream. But then I get myself confused thinking "did I just read this same passage a week or 2 ago and THAT's what I'm remembering?" But nope - I sure did have that dream.

I'd love to know what you think. I now believe the Lord has something for me in this. Any thoughts or interpretations? On my dream or on that passage in Acts?

Season of Blessing

We've definitely been in a season of blessing lately. Our family is close. Our boys are growing like weeds and are secure and loving. Our friendships are deepening. There are babies being born in our community everywhere we look. We find ourselves genuinely enjoying our home and our life right now. Sure, there are days when none of this is true for a moment but, overall, looking back at the recent past, we've been in a season of blessing.

So, I got curious.... what does God say in scripture about these times? Does my version of being blessed line up with God's? I like this verse in Ezekiel and the description of God's blessing that it gives:

Ezekiel 34:25-27

25 " 'I will make a covenant of peace with them and rid the land of wild beasts so that they may live in the desert and sleep in the forests in safety. 26 I will bless them and the places surrounding my hill. I will send down showers in season; there will be showers of blessing. 27 The trees of the field will yield their fruit and the ground will yield its crops; the people will be secure in their land. They will know that I am the LORD, when I break the bars of their yoke and rescue them from the hands of those who enslaved them.

Peaceful Rest

God fights off our enemies

Growth

Fruit and harvest

Security in Him

Freedom from oppression or slavery of our past

So, yeah, I think it's lining up well. And important to note; there's nothing to do here but receive it. And know that it glorifies the Lord. I guess He can bring himself glory in any number of ways, but one way he sometimes does it is to bless those who follow him. Occasionally I find it hard to accept - hard to just sit back and go "ok - bring it on." My flesh wants to figure out when something is going to go wrong or think up reason I don't deserve it or wonder if it just simply isn't true - like I'm delusional or something. But - the truth is - God's heart and character is to bless those who remain faithful to Him. Simple as that.

Morning Coffee = Love

Every morning Bill makes coffee. He gets up around 5am and I get up around 6am, so the coffee is ready and waiting when I come down. To me, this is love. There used to be mornings when I would get up and Bill was so engrossed in work that he hadn't yet made the coffee. I think the look of disappointment on my face said it all. That hasn't happened in a long time. We both acknowledged that when he makes coffee for us in the morning, it's a way that he loves me.

Last night we were going to bed and I noticed he was doing something with the coffeemaker. He said "I'm just making your coffee now since I won't be here in the morning."

That's love, people.

And PS - Our favorite is Seattle's Best: Cinnabon flavor.

Celebrating! Joy! Bahamas!

Bill and I are here in the Bahamas. We are celebrating! My 32nd birthday and our 10 year anniversary. And we're just celebrating with joy all the goodness and blessing that is in our lives these days.

And since I'm paying $10/day for internet, I thought -- why not put up a blog post with some pictures so that you can all celebrate with us?!

The Hilton staff sent up a chocolate dessert for my birthday last night. The restaurant we ate at was quaint with top-quality food - a real treat. We've been sent a bottle of wine and gift certificate for dinner from my parents. There's lots of sunshine and beautiful water. We have time to read and talk together. We get to sleep in a little and have dinners out. All in all, it's just a treat. So - join us in celebrating!

We miss our boys. But I just keep thinking that I would miss out on the joy of these moments if I was so focused on them that I couldn't experience what's right in front of me. So we rest in the fact that our family is caring well for them. And we just enjoy the blessing we've been given.

Vulnerability

I've been contemplating and praying about the idea of "vulnerability" lately. I think this is something that God is stirring up for me to consider. I've just found myself hearing about it in prayer in lots of different ways...here's a few:

• Told a friend of mine that I felt the Lord wanted her to be vulnerable in her joy surrounding her new baby.... to me this might mean --sharing your heart with others, exposing yourself in your joyful state, not concealing it or acting as though it is less than it is...
• I ended up teaching via video for this class I'm doing and a major point was about how God requires boldness and/or vulnerability from us when we are dealing with acting-in-faith and following his Spirit.
• I got an evaluation form from someone in my class at Crossroads that said "I haven't been able to understand what Alli has been saying." And it hit me in a vulnerable place -- in a fear that I have that my words and thoughts are too much and confusing to others. The whole evening after that I just felt vulnerable and touchy.

Vulnerability to me could also look like having an actual opinion about something. Deciding how I feel about something and communicating that reasoning is vulnerable for me. I feel like that opens me up to be disagreed-with, told to 'take a hike,' finding out I'm just plain wrong, feeling stupid or opening myself up to be rejected by someone else who doesn't appreciate me or understand my heart. In essence, refraining from opinions is a form of self-protection. And definitely not a vulnerable place for me to be.

I'm a long-time phone avoider with acquaintances, co-workers, cold callers, people whose numbers I don't recognize on the caller ID...(basically anyone except good friends and a couple family members). I think, in part, because it's vulnerable. What if they ask me something I'm not prepared to answer? Geee.....why don't I just try saying "I can't answer you on that and here's why!"

God has been trying to move me out of this place in my past where I understood what everyone else was thinking or where they were before I expressed an opinion. Even if I went ahead with a strong opinion, I'd assessed the risk. This is inauthentic and, at worst, manipulative (even if I didn't have that intent). I think God is after me to just be open and vulnerable. Risk rejection from others and come to Him to receive my fill.

Even writing this is vulnerable for me, because it feels exposing. Our masks tend to keep us in denial. The less vulnerable we are, the less we have to face the potential consequences of failure or rejection. And the more we can believe that we can make it on our own. Join me in saying -- this is CRAP.

God - I repent of self-protection, denial and avoidance. I repent of trying to keep myself out of harm's way and avoid being rejected. I know this is a false way to live life and you are the only Protector. I know you fully receive me even when I'm wrong. I know you love me more fully than I know how to receive. I know in my efforts to remain closed, I have cut off real relationships from going further and you from working. I take responsibility for this and ask you to lead me out of it. Bring me opportunities to be vulnerable and help me take them with your leading. But don't leave me! I need you! I'm scared to be in vulnerable places without you.

Pedicure Chakras?!

I got a pedicure today in honor of our upcoming anniversary trip to the Bahamas (Wooooohooooo!). And no sooner was I settled comfortably in my back-massaging, vibrating chair with my feet in the warm water then Mandy (the Aveda nail tech doing my feet) walked up with a little booklet and said "look through this - these are all the chakras and pick one out to be added to your lotion." So I, looking stupified, said "huh?"

She launched into an explanation that Aveda, corporately, had decided to reintroduce their aromatherapy linked to all the chakras in the body...said something about 'Indian medicine' and whichever one I picked is the one my body was craving -- the thing I needed the most. The cards said things like 'wisdom, insight,' etc. And then she said that Aveda had reformulated these scents so that they actually changed things internally around these chakras. (Again "huh?"). Still unsure what a chakra was....

I sat thinking about how strange it was to have an entire world-view proposed to me (or forced upon me) while I got a pedicure at my neighborhood salon. I was not expecting it and was really taken aback. I sensed that God was urging me to understand that, in these times, we are more and more going to be presented with things like this: things that are counter to His Kingdom. Anti-Jesus world views that are proposed by nail techs. I say anti-Jesus because ANYthing that proposes a power (especially to redeem and heal) that is outside of the power of Jesus is FALSE. That doesn't mean that there isn't power that can be experienced -- it just means that it's a counterfeit to the real thing; essentially a chakra-balancing pedicure is 'occult-ish' - it stands opposed to God's real healing and redeeming power.

I need to get prepared. I was asking Jesus if there was anything He wanted me to do, say, etc. to Mandy. I wasn't compelled, so I didn't. But I certainly did note how strange and startling this experience was as I consider it from the perspective of the Kingdom of God.

Paula's Blog Experiment

I'm sitting here with Paula.  We're checkin' out blogs.  She's about to start one for parenting (I'll put it on my list when she's up and running!).  I'm showing her how to post.  This is a mile-marker for me: I'm teaching someone else something about the online world.  It is possible for someone to know less (at least about blogging).

So...we're just messing around.  

PS - Here's our friend Bill Poff with a monkey.  Just because he's always the guy who wants his face on everything. (kidding - if you knew Bill you'd know that was a joke).

No slaves needed

So...here's the follow up post to my last...I told you I'd say what I'd actually heard the Lord communicate to me that I refereced in my last post...so here it is: God (Almighty) wants us to know Him as "The Lord."

In Genesis 17, God introduces himself to Abraham and says "I'm God Almighty..." and explains that He wants to bless him, give him an inheritance, be faithful to Him and fulfill His Covenant. Later, in Exodus chapter 6, he speaks again to Moses and says 'I'm now going to reveal myself as THE LORD... I've never revealed this aspect of my character and heart, so Get Ready! I want to FREE my people, LOVE them and REDEEM them. I want to punish their enemies. I want to take them as my OWN.'

God isn't satisfied to fulfill a contract with us. He doesn't want slaves. He's not happy when we hear his voice. He's not happy when we obey Him. He's only happy when we engage our hearts together with His and then Hear, BELIEVE and then Obey. We aren't slaves to a master...we're in a love-relationship (if we will enter it) with THE LORD. Without our hearts involved, we're simply (at best!) executing commands from a master to his subject.

Enter the Hebrews verse that tells us "without faith it is impossible to please God." I always thought of God in this verse as a disapproving master up there frowning at me as I struggle to muster-up enough faith to please Him. Wrong! Entirely NOT the point here. God is saying to us that WITHOUT our hearts involved it isn't Real Faith (i.e. unless we receive Him as THE LORD and let Him free us, love us and redeem us), and He still isn't happy. He wants us to be in a love relationship. And that's it. That's all He's after.

He isn't interested in slaves. He's got armies to do His bidding - they're called angels. He has something else in mind for you and me. And He isn't happy unless we enter into Real Faith by believing Him with our whole hearts and letting obediance flow out as a natural by-product of that love.

The Spirit of Truth

I haven't been writing things here like I usually would - processing things that I'm learning and hearing in my relationship with God. I've been writing them someplace else. I'm teaching a community group at Crossroads. I created this class called "Walking by Faith." And it turns out that I'm about 5 days ahead of the class. Here's what I mean.

I've actually been praying for the content of this class for a while. I knew the topic. I knew some of the influencing books. I had a basic outline of content and progression. But as far as the meat of each week...well, like I said: I've been about 5-10 days ahead. Each time I prayed I just heard God saying to me "I'm going to give it to you." And he has. I've been reading and writing faithfully what I've been hearing from the Lord and simply continuing in my relationship with Him in a focused way each day - searching for and expecting Him to speak to me about the topic at hand.

So Monday night was the first class. And something popped out of my teaching - a phrase that I noticed I repeated twice. It was a sub-point at best - more like an illustration of something I was saying. And then it popped out on the feedback forms that night "hey - I want to hear more about that" or "I could relate to that concept." I knew this was the Lord giving me something about the class He wanted talked about, so I prayed on the way home that night asking Him to reveal it me me. Two days later I was reading in my bible in the morning and BAM! there it was. The concept, the explanation, the very thing I knew He wanted taught. Don't get me wrong; it wasn't in black and white but it was THERE.

A few things I'm learning in this process:

• If you get ahead of the Lord, you'll miss actually experiencing relationship.
• The Holy Spirit is the revealer of truth. Period.
• (Many times) our daily spiritual disciplines are the exact way that the Lord will reveal Himself. Our faithfulness and discipline begets revelation and intimacy with Him.
• The Holy Spirit empowers us to minister to others -- the gifts are for the Body. God is excited about giving me insight and empowerment to teach His Word to His People. He doesn't hoard His Spirit. He is generous and giving!

More to come on what He is actually saying....

My little seedlings...

Yesterday was a beautiful day...and so I thought to myself "If I were a plant, I'd want to be outside today." So I put my little seedlings out in the driveway for some fresh air, breeze and sun. Two of them actually had a little mold on them -- and I knew the sunlight would take care of that.
The wind knocked them down.
The sun dried up the soil quickly.
They looked a little parched.

So I moved them back inside.
Krissy later said to me "I guess you just have to think of them as newborns...." Hmmmm.

The experimentation continues.

Bill's Favs!

Bill has now had time to listen thoroughly to his new Birthday Playlist on his IPOD. After some runs and a few grass-mowing sessions, here are the ones that he says he likes the best:

Lovely Day, Bill Withers
Viva la Vida, Coldplay
You Found Me, The Fray
All Will Be Well, Gabe Dixon Band
October Road, James Taylor
The Man Comes Around, Johnny Cash
Only Grace, Matthew West
I Am, Mark Schultz

Thanks again, friends. We both think it's so much more fun to use our IPODs now. And, if after reading Bill's Favs, you think of any others we could purchase; we're still chipping away at our credit in the ITunes store -- Suggest away!

And lastly: I've officially added Funeral (Band of Horses) and Disappear (Gabe Dixon) to Alli's Favs and I've also purchased the song "Ever After You" from the Gabe Dixon Band. Woo hoo Gabe.

Andrew in the Big Apple

We had such a blast. Andrew and Mommy took a weekend trip to go and visit my brother, Uncle John, in New York. He cleared his calendar, we got beautiful springtime weather and we hit the town with Andrew.

We went to Central Park, got ice cream, climbed rocks.

We took Andrew to a Thomas and Friends Live on Stage show. He loved it!

We just hung out with John and Matt. And even got to see Uncle Jim and Aunt Sheli. We rode LOTS of "underground trains." And even an occasional taxi. Andrew hailed his first cab.

We took Andrew to FAO Schwartz just to play! I love that it never even crossed his mind to ask for anything to be bought. And honestly -- the window with taxis going by was probably better anyway (pictured above).

We walked to Riverside Park, threw sticks (of course), hit the playground and saw where Captain Sully put the American Airlines jet down right in the water a few weeks ago.

Our trip brought rest to John, Matt and another friend, Joe. They said they'd never taken a walk in Central Park in 12 years in NYC. And it'd been a year since John had just sat down on his couch mid-day and watched some basketball. So -- REST was what we brought with us. And we gained knowledge of every mass transportation vehicle possible over 72 hours - Planes, mini-busses, cabs, trains, hired cars - you name it. That was Andrew's favorite part. My favorite part was just getting to spend some one-on-one time with Andrew and remind myself again what an amazing kid I have.

There's life!!!

I didn't really believe it! There are things growing. I guess I didn't really believe that anything would grow. I mean, it was just a seed and I have no idea what I'm doing. But - look! Things are growing. And it wasn't really me. I mean - I put them in the dirt and watered them, but really I have no idea why they're growing. Amazing, isn't it??!!

1 Corinthians 3 talks about this...check it out... "I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. The man who plants and the man who waters have one purpose, and each will be rewarded according to his own labor."

Turns out I don't need to know much to grow something. My work was to prepare and water, the growth was the easiest part! As a matter of fact, I don't even know how it happened. That reminds me of a comment my roommate made to me in college about studying business and how pointless it was (she may have been right!) but I said back to her - "well you're studying biology and it will happen whether you know about it or not!" I guess we were both right from certain angles.

I knew God was going to teach me through this garden and it's already started. How little faith I seem to have in Him that He can do His Job... that things will actually grow from seed, sun and water. And how slow I am to want to prepare. My obediance and effort just set the stage for God's Big Show - the growth. Awesome.

Now, seriously, I can't take these outside until late May -- what do I do now? Am I going to have to find them a bigger container?

We have all good things

Yesterday was a great moment for me to realize the Lord is fulfilling this in my life "Blessed are those you choose and bring near to live in your courts! We are filled with the good things of your house..." That is a quote from Psalm 65 and a promise from Jesus to me. He chose me. He brings me near to Him. He gives me good things that only He can give.

Yesterday was Easter. Some of those good things are: Him. My relationship with Him...his nearness to me, his voice, his presence in my life. That's the best stuff. Yesterday I also saw this in...

• all the children of my spiritual family (Mac, Bode, Honor, Mac, BabyValentine, Irene, Ezra, Tobias, Kate, BabyManuel, Hannah, Leah, Jeremiah, Andrew and Luke). These kids ARE the Lord's blessing in our lives. Wanna see where the Lord is blessing a community? Check out the kids.
• David Russell's cheesecake

• the amazing collection of women in my life (Kelly, Mary, Dora, Krissy, Lori, Kate)


• The fun of the egg hunt and kickball! (Krissy said "what is this nonsense about "kids-only?!")

We feasted...it was a great celebration of life. The life we have now. The life we will always have.

'Alli's Favs'

This is the name of the new playlist I created for my IPOD. We have a very small library of music. But it was fun looking through and picking out my favorites...just wanted to share them with you. I, too, was blessed by Bill's birthday gift of music from our friends. This list include a couple new ones. But the absolute best one is "All Will Be Well" Gabe Dixon Band. I would LOVE to play the piano underneath that tune. And wow...I could hit replay 10 times in a row on it.

Anyway - enjoy perusing my list and please please suggest new tunes for me to buy: we have about $18.00 of credit to splurge on some new tunes... any ideas based on this list? C'mon - my friends must be better than Genius.

All Will Be Well - Gabe Dixon Band
Bridge Over Troubled Water - Simon & Garfunkel
Come Ye Sinners - Todd Agnew
Daughters - John Mayer
First Cut is the Deepest - Sheryl Crow
The Good Life - Bruce Hornsby
I'll Always Be Right There - Bryan Adams (our wedding song!)
I'm Yours - Jason Mraz
Made to Love - TobyMac
Only Grace - Matthew West
Say - John Mayer
True Colors - Phil Collins
Undo - Rush of Fools
Viva la Vida - Coldplay
Waiting on the World to Change - John Mayer
When it was Over - Sara Groves
Where is the Love? - Black Eyed Peas

Bill's 35th Birthday!

Saturday was Bill's birthday. It was a great day. I was reminded of how great it is to have wonderful people in your life. Even Adam, the man who owns Big Apple Bagels, loves Bill. I stopped in to get his favorite breakfast sandwich and walked out without paying. Adam said "tell Bill I say Happy Birthday!" And he tried to give me free coffee too (but we'd already had enough!).
Our boys, of course, are favorite people of ours...the day wouldn't have been complete without Andrew singing lots of "Happy Birthday to Daddy." Here they are helping Daddy open presents at lunchtime. Among other things, I got him a new bathing suit and flip-flops for our upcoming Bahamas trip.And all our other favorite people (aka: our friends!) came over last night to celebrate together. They all went together to buy songs and update Bill's Ipod. We are musically illiterate...but thanks to our friends we are now up-to-date with new Play Lists and all. Steven really went the extra mile to completely organize our music library and create a new play list of all the new birthday songs. Awesome! Some favorite tunes of our friends include songs from: Gabe Dixon Band, John Mayer, Coldplay and Kanye (a DR fav!).

And the topper (and my personal favorite present to Bill) was his chocolate cake. This was made with LOTS of love... Happy Birthday, baby!

Food Chat

I've been doing some thinking about food lately - leftovers, gardens, RioGrande carry-out, family meal-planning, fasting, food for Bill's birthday party, kids meal ruts, the Last Supper... just lots of food thinkin'. So I'm interested in a couple things from (all?) you people that are reading this blog:

• What's the best kids meal that your toddlers like(d)?
• What's your favorite (Cincinnati!) place for cheap carry-out?
• What's a good thing to keep in the freezer?
• What's your best simple family meal?
• Do you ever do communion with your family? When? How?
• Is chocolate cake with chocolate icing just too much chocolate?
• Should I be doing anything yet for my garden? Germinating? Huh?
• What's your favorite homemade hot sandwich?

Ok - answer one or as many as you please. Just answer, people.

Stitched together in unity

On Sunday morning I asked God to give me a picture of "the Church" in my mind. I just wanted to hear Him speak to me and I wanted to understand the Church better somehow. I closed my eyes and waited. And a few seconds later I saw a picture of a quilt. Not exactly like this one -- but close...lots of colors, fragments (almost scrap-like), but sewn together in a quilt that was quite pretty. It didn't have the strong lines of this quilt or a border but it was just as colorful.

I got tears in my eyes almost immediately. About 2 years ago I was in a meeting and people were sharing what they imagined about the Holy Spirit. I said (out of "nowhere" that I thought the Holy Spirit was like fine stitches....a sewer. I honestly did not know why I'd said it - wasn't sure I even had a strong feeling that it was true. But out it popped from my mouth. I kind of linked it to the scripture in Psalm 139 "you hem me in behind and before.."I had never forgotten this.

So when God showed me a picture of a quilt, I immediately understood that the thing that ties together the loose scraps of communities of believers all over the world is the Holy Spirit! The Holy Spirit sews and stitches t5ogether the Church -- the Church which might appear as loose scraps actually becomes both beautiful and functional through the work of the Holy Spirit.

And God knew that I would recognize this in what He said to me...baked-in encouragement that I hear His voice. I've been asking-for and needing this kind of encouragement lately. This was just a clear example of his kindness to me.

A conversation overheard....

Andrew: "Shhhhhhh!!! Luke - I'm trying to watch Curious George."
Andrew: "I said shhhhh! Please, Weegs, be quiet"
Luke: (Yells again)
Andrew: "Luke - this is the last time I'm going to tell you..."
Luke: (ah, ah, ah, ah)
Andrew: "...or I'm going to have to put you outside by yourself."

Psalm 100

Every now and then I ask God again - "how do I worship you?" I just ask Him for a tutorial again to re-learn how I can come to Him in worship. 2 Days ago I ended up reading Psalm 100. And it was just that - a tutorial on how to worship... it's short so I'll put it here:

1 Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth.
2 Worship the LORD with gladness;
come before him with joyful songs.
3 Know that the LORD is God. It is he who made us, and we are his;
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.
4 Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and praise his name.
5 For the LORD is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations.

So my Worship 101 is:
Tell Him what makes my heard joyful and glad
Thank Him for where I see Him in my life
Repeat as needed: Baaaa...baaaa
Take time to remember where the Lord has been faithful and loved me.
Sing a song to Him.

Here's what I wrote down this morning:
Friends gathering for Easter - I'm so excited about this! New babies! Spring blossoms! Sunshine! Woods! (Remember that trip for work up to Big Bear Mountain and how thick your Spirit was around me? - Boy! I really felt you on that trip). Oceans! Rest! Chocolate! Books! Fuzzy socks! Rocking sleepy babies! New pictures of my boys! Dates with my husband! Hearing your voice! (Thanks for gently correcting me even when I hear you wrongly - I know I can be confident in You even when I'm off!). Experiencing your Spirit! (Remember that time you had Kathleen pray for me?! You never leave me, even in my darkest hour). Cinnamon rolls and leisurely breakfasts! Fires in the winter! Having dinner with friends! (Remember when you gave us the idea to throw a big wedding for our friends - how awesome was THAT dinner?!). Thanks God for being faithful to me even in moments of unbelief...how Good are YOU.

My First Vegetable Garden

There's a story here. About 2 years ago I first entertained the thought of putting in a garden. And quickly dismissed it. I've never been able to keep plants alive for very long. I get annoyed with their neediness (yes, I see what I just wrote. I know there's stuff in that one.)

But the thought just wouldn't let go. When it came back to me the next year (which was last year), I again pushed it off. But this time I was pretty sure it was God. I just thought to myself "does God know me? this is ME we're talking about." I happened to share this desire with my friend Kate who promptly shared a dream that she (or maybe Ben?) had where they were helping us plant a garden. And I thought "boy God does seem to want me to do this." And yet I didn't do it.

So here we are. Last night I repented for being so slow to follow God. And for not planting the garden. So today I have been researching what to do on a "gardening for kids" website. I figured that level of information would be just-about-right for me. I was right. Even what was said there seemed too much. But I'm pressing ahead. I'm following through. And following God into my first garden.

I'm thinking tomatoes, green beans, basil and cucumbers this year. Is this too much? Not enough? Feedback desired. But think to yourself "what would I tell my 7th grader who wanted to plant a garden?"

And also: here's the scripture that keeps ringing in my ears as I begin...it's called The Parable of the 10 Virgins. It's in Matthew ch 25...

"At that time the kingdom of heaven will be like ten virgins who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom. 2Five of them were foolish and five were wise. 3The foolish ones took their lamps but did not take any oil with them. 4The wise, however, took oil in jars along with their lamps. 5The bridegroom was a long time in coming, and they all became drowsy and fell asleep.
6"At midnight the cry rang out: 'Here's the bridegroom! Come out to meet him!'
7"Then all the virgins woke up and trimmed their lamps. 8The foolish ones said to the wise, 'Give us some of your oil; our lamps are going out.'
9" 'No,' they replied, 'there may not be enough for both us and you. Instead, go to those who sell oil and buy some for yourselves.'
10"But while they were on their way to buy the oil, the bridegroom arrived. The virgins who were ready went in with him to the wedding banquet. And the door was shut.

Wednesday freedom

There's something happening for which I'm really grateful: I get a sitter now every Wednesday from 10am-2pm. As of last week.
Bill and I have been doing a marriage study (it's a great one...thanks Dora and Steven!). And one of the weeks talked about how husbands can equip their wives and give them freedom and authority to pursue their gifts and dreams. During this talk we both agreed that God seems to be poking at me lately to do 2 things -- spend time with other women (shepherding/mentoring) and say yes to opportunities to teach. The only problem is that both of those things require time. Time away from the kids. Time to think. Time to write. Time to just be with other women (fully) and/or be with God (fully).

So? Bill agreed that we could spend the money for me to have a sitter every Wednesday for a few hours.

This has been an interesting act of receiving for me. I didn't know that I had something in me that said "you shouldn't be spending any money for a sitter unless you're bringing in money for income." Wow. I shared that with Bill and he said ...uh...NO. He told me that my freedom was worth this and that I should go for it. So I am.

The biggest part of making this happen was DECIDING. Just making a decision and then GOing. I've been asking God to show me how to pursue my dreams without a hint of performance. And maybe this is a good example of it: sharing my dreams with Bill, receiving freedom from him to go for it, committing to actually follow through (to people who would hold me accountable for actually going and getting a sitter!), and then moving through the discomfort of receiving. And choosing to receive it despite voices that tell me different.

Now that I've done it twice I'm hearing those voices on my way out the door and feeling that lurch in my heart 'is this really ok?' 'is this selfish?' 'are my kids ok with a sitter?' 'am I missing out on good time with them?' And then I just leave anyway. Because Bill, God and my friends have said this is good.

Well, I'll keep you posted. But I think we're off to a good start.

It's here...it's gone

Spring, that is. Over the weekend I kept thinking I needed to post about how good the nicer, warmer weather was feeling. It brings me new life. But before I've gotten around to it - it's gone again! So today the high temperature was 39 degrees but I'm going with the message of the season...HOPE. Spring brings hope - and so therefore, I hope it returns quickly. In the interim -- here's what spring looks like at the Pattersons: strollers, wagons, yards and playgrounds. On Tuesday Luke had his first mouthful of sand. I think that's a babyhood rite-of-passage or something.

A few spring favorites of mine are: dusk that's warm enough for a walk, the cherry blossoms in Ault Park and three-quarter-length sleeves. But spring shoes are always a problem for me. Most of my friends just bust-out the flip-flops, but I have a hard time doing that until about May... so boots are out and flip-flops are out. That's a problem. So I bought some alligator-print-ballerinas at Target. And no, Vickie, I don't care if you go and get the same pair. Just hurry because they were flying off the shelves like hotcakes.

The Harvest

Just following up my last post...here's the latest. I was reading in my bible yesterday and here's what jumped off the page at me:
Galatians 6:8-10
"The one who sows to please his sinful nature (hey hey - our FLESH!), from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people..."

From this passage God impressed on my heart that now is a time that He wants me to harvest, so I'm not to grow weary of doing good. The time for harvest is NOW. And Jesus makes it very clear that the harvest being spoken of here is MAN.

Matthew 9:36-38
36When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. 37Then he said to his disciples, "The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. 38Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field."
In Haggai (yes that is a book in the bible), the harvest is talked about as an important indicator of whether or not our ways, priorities, time and efforts have been wisely spent.... It says in Haggai 1:5-7
"Now this is what the LORD Almighty says: "Give careful thought to your ways. 6 You have planted much, but have harvested little. You eat, but never have enough. You drink, but never have your fill. You put on clothes, but are not warm. You earn wages, only to put them in a purse with holes in it." This is what the LORD Almighty says: "Give careful thought to your ways."
My flesh can so easily take me into places and ways that are thoughtless or selfish - ways that would lead me to "plant much but harvest little."

Anyway -- all this is a follow up to my last post to say that the Lord is speaking to me about being diligent in doing good to others. Not to be a do-gooder, but because it is part of a harvest that he is bringing about. Do not grow weary...the harvest is near!

Oh - and P.S. Remember the name Teresa means "Harvester."

Goin' off-course

I had 2 experiences this past Friday that really drove home to me about how strongly my human nature (i.e. my "flesh" according to the Bible) pulls on me AWAY from the opportunities that God extends to me for adventure in the Kingdom every day... here's what's happened to me this past week:

I was on the treadmill at the YMCA. I looked over my shoulder and saw a trainer named Teresa who works there. I hadn't seen her in almost a year. I'd never worked personally with her but I used to come at a time when she met her clients...so I'd overhear her and sometimes we'd even chat or exchange pleasantries. Eventually I blossomed into full pregnancy with Luke (making it more and more difficult to work out!) and she was SUCH an encouragement. She'd say "there's that mama -- doin' good things for her baby" or "do you know how much better your delivery will be because you're on that treadmill?!" or "man - you're hot for 35 weeks!" I had often wanted to thank her and bless her in that gift of encouragement. I just never saw her again. Until Friday.

But I was 7 minutes into my workout -- just starting to sweat. I thought to myself "she'll probably still be there in 30 minutes, I'll just talk to her then." But I felt God urging me to hit the stop button and do it NOW. I even sensed he was saying this was my last chance. (We actually are about to move gym memberships!) But I resisted for at least 3 more minutes...I kept saying that I deserved uninterrupted time on the treadmill...that this was MY time...that I'd find her some other day...that I just plain didn't feel like it.

Well - I did get off. I couldn't stand it anymore. I walked over, talked with her, told her I felt she had a gift and explained the ways it had blessed me. I know it mattered to her - I could see that. I felt good that I'd (eventually) obeyed. And as I got back onto the treadmill, I heard God telling me that it was my FLESH that was resisting.

Later that night I was driving home alone just as it was getting dark. I saw a young woman stick her thumb out on the side of the road. (Linwood Ave - an odd place to hitchhike!). Something just wasn't right there. So I immediately asked God if I should pick her up. I heard YES. And then 2 miles later I will still resisting -- "it's not safe" "I'll be late getting home" "Bill won't approve" "am I just crazy here?" "that wasn't God!"

So I turned around and went back for her.

Ohmigosh!! As I'm writing this I am realizing that her name was also Teresa. Weird. I just left this post for a minute to look up the name meaning...it means "Harvester." Any thoughts?

So anyway -- she thanked me many times and we ended up having a conversation about her ex-husband (who happens to live in my neighborhood!). I told her that the Lord is ALWAYS for our marriages. And I told her that He is watching out for her because He told me to come back and get her. She seemed quiet after that and told me that she keeps getting "signs" to go back over to Anderson. I don't know if she meant her marriage or not but I felt that was what she was saying.

As I processed both this things I simply felt that God was pointing me to my flesh. My flesh is what I keep hearing. I want these so-called adventures-with-Jesus but I'm in my own way. My flesh desires to keep the status quo - to stay-the-course, to get what I "need" or want in the moment, to be selfish or simply to lack a presence of mind...and most of all - my flesh hates to be interrupted and taken off-course.

I'm not that interruptible sometimes. I want to be, but I tend to go back towards my schedule, my needs, my workout, my, my, my, my, my....

I never linked that to the feeling that I sometimes have of just trudging through one day upon the next and wondering where the heck is my adventure with God.

Friday woke me up to a whole new season of being interrupted. And being excited about it.

Hurry!

I've been noticing that Andrew doesn't respond well to being in a hurry. I like that. It's pretty rare that we have to get out the door "in a hurry." The one or 2 times lately that we've done that (thanks to me waking him up late from his nap), the response has been poor at best. He's kind of weepy and not interested in co-operating with my sudden need to get out the door.

I think hurry is a tactic to steal away our very lives. I didn't notice how much we'd eliminated hurry from our existence until I try to put it back in. It's like a shoe that's too small. You can push and push but it just isn't going to go on. And there really isn't any hurrying a 3 year old who's just awakened from a nap. Plus - the very things that get eliminated in a hurry are the things worth living for.

When Andrew wakes up he likes to have a little cuddle and be awakened slowly and gently (who doesn't?!). He likes to give kisses and talk to his brother who is usually crawling around the foot of his bed. He wants me to carry him down the stairs. And then we sing and dance while we have a snack. Hurry makes all this seem unnecessary. Hurry makes you think that those are the things you can live without.

But those are the very things we live for. Ecclesiastes 2:10 says "My heart took delight in my work, and that was the reward for all my labor." Hurry steals the things that delight your heart. I'm not going to let that happen. So even if we're in a hurry....we still get the cuddle, we still get the singing...we just might miss 5 minutes of the swim lesson.

Out of the mouth of babes...

It's hilarious to talk God and Jesus with a 3 year old. There are moments like tonight when you just have to laugh and move on. And there are moments when I think "did he really just say what I think he said?!" Here's a few of my favorites!

• (Tonight) "Mommy - I'm going to be a teacher for you about Jesus. Give me the glue."
• (We're in the car listening to Christmas carols LAST year (he was barely 2 at the time) and O Holy Night came on). "Mommy - this song is about joy."
• (About a friend's little girl who has cancer) "Jesus - we want you to heal Keira and also bring her comfort with hot chocolate and peanut butter crackers."
• (On a night when I was really struggling...I asked him if he would pray for mommy) "God please come and be with my mommy and give her a big hug."
• "Go away Jesus!" (What he was trying to say to a dog that scared him was "Jesus says you have to go away!")
• (In answer to me asking if he wants to thank Jesus for our dinner) "Nope."
• "Can I ask Jesus if He can take Luke away?"

I'm sure there are more... I'll try to do little posts when they happen -- they're usually just so good. Feel free to post anything your kids have said...I'd love to read 'em.

The Dude Ranch

Some recent conversation has caused me to remember our brief visit to a dude-ranch in North Carolina last summer. Our family really loved this place (http://www.pisgahviewranch.net/). We did go on the heels of a week with both sets of grandparents at the beach, so perhaps we really needed the peace and quiet. Or maybe it really was that great. In any case, it was a little oasis of quiet, rest and well, nothing-ness that made it just perfect.



The quiet was mountains-in-the-morning kind of quiet. The view I've shown is what you're staring at from the main house on the ranch - Mt Pisgah. It's the kind of quiet where you sit on your rocking chair on the front porch in the evening and you hear the squeak of your chair and the clop-clop-clop of the pygmie goats kept as pets on the property (no kidding). And that's it.

See - there's the goat. (Andrew's in green with some boys we met). By the way -- we heard something on our deck one morning and, disturbingly, the goat was ramming his tiny little horns into our sliding-glass door. Kinda weird.

The rest was the kind where (after biscuits and gravy) you choose from a walk over to skip rocks on the pond (which I can't do!), a game of shuffleboard (I avoid the game after pulling a muscle on a cruise a few years back), or a trail ride on one of the beautiful horses they keep at the ranch. I found that I loved to take Andrew and just wander-about...checking out the chickens or digging up rocks by the pond. This was the nothing-ness. Nothing to do. Nowhere to be. You're there. And every now and then we'd just take off running for no reason.

And also: you can get sweet tea all day long in the main house. 'Nuff said.



Doing this post is making me remember a verse.

Isaiah 30:15
"In repentance and rest is your salvation.
In quietness and trust is your strength..."

Prayers for my boys

I pray for my sons. Often. There aren't a lot of things that I could tell you for which I pray persistently over years. But my boys - yes.

I always check on them before I go to sleep every night -- to replace socks that got pulled off, to pull up the covers or to rearrange Andrew's body from the strange positions in which he falls asleep. And Luke's favorite surprise is to poop in his sleep so I have to wake him, change it and then put him back down. So a lot of times I will give them an extra kiss or just stand and stare at them a moment (or duck below the crib when Luke raises his head!) And some nights I pray at that time for them. Like last night. I left each room and then just paused at the door and prayed with my hands on their doors.

I've prayed all kinds of prayers for each of them -- some of my favorites are that they would be lovers of God's word, that they would have a teachable spirit that leans naturally toward obediance, that the space around their beds would be only for the Lord while they sleep, that they would hear God's voice and recognize the sound of it, that the 2 of them would be friends because of their brotherhood in Jesus and not just in the flesh, that they might have nothing to inhibit soaking up love from us and from God. I've prayed that they would be free from generational things in our family, that they might not run after accomplishments or money... that they would be men who stuck out like a sore-thumb in the world because of the way that they effortlessly combine strong masculinity with a spirit that oozes the love of Jesus to others.

Last night I stood at their doors and noticed the differences in what I prayed for them -- for Andrew I prayed that his adventurous spirit would never be squashed but that the Holy Spirit would produce the fruit of self-control in him. I prayed that his physical strength and vigor would be a symbol of being a spiritual giant in the Kingdom of God. I prayed for him to always love God's word and have a teachable spirit that wanted to obey.

And for Luke I prayed that God would always bring him shepherds - men in his life at every age that would complement the teachings and shepherding of his father, Bill. That shepherding would be so modeled for Luke that he couldn't help but shepherd others. I asked that God's compassion would come forward through his life. And I prayed for him to always love God's word and have a teachable spirit that wanted to obey.

I prayed for the joy of the Lord - zeal, fun and laughter to be spread wherever either of my sons are.

Someday I'd love to know all the fruit that comes from mother's prayers. I just believe in faith that it's part of my inheritance in the Lord to one day understand what all those silent prayers have meant to the Kingdom and to my kids.