Grace update

So here's an update after a couple days...

Sunday...the "thing" I mentioned in my last post that I wanted to do was to send an apology to someone from a long time ago. I saw his name on a friend's Facebook page and remembered what a jerk I was to him on a team I worked on way back at P&G. (I am tempted here to tell you all the things that made him so annoying to me at the time). But the truth is that I was a jerk...I made him uncomfortable and certainly did not do anything to encourage or support him. I figured if I wanted to receive the grace of forgiveness, then I need to apologize when it's appropriate. So I did. I sent a short, but totally honest apology for being the aforementioned jerk. No word yet. Maybe never will hear back from him. But I meant it from my heart. And I forgave myself in the process, so that's some grace received anyway.

Monday... received what I'll call "go for it" grace. I found myself wanting a workout but have been hesitant to take all 3 kids to the Healthplex childcare in the narrow windows of time between naps and feedings. But I went for it and it felt good to try something new. We were 20 minutes late for my "baby reservation" but I got 30 minutes on the treadmill. Good enough!

Tuesday...received the blessing of a babysitter for one hour in the morning. Took a walk and a shower.

I think sometimes I hold myself back from receiving blessings that are just sitting there waiting for me... a workout, a babysitter. I like the idea of "go for it" grace...I think God is going "hello Alli...would you just go for it and let me bless you?!"

Lastly - I've intentionally remembered and told God some of the ways that I remember being/feeling/experiencing when I first came to know Him. It's been fun and inspiring just to remember His goodness and grace to me then. I hope to receive some of that stuff anew.

We'll see what tomorrow brings!

An experiment with Grace...

So this week I'm going to do a little experiment. I need some grace. And I know God wants me to have it. So this week my experiment is about how much of His grace I can receive.

A while back I did some searching through scripture about receiving grace. I even had a very compelling dream about receiving grace. I thought about receiving grace. But apparently I didn't actually do it. So...now that I know it...I must actually DO it. This week I'm going to receive a little grace. And you can come along for the ride.

Here's what I found out in scripture about some ways I can practice receiving God's grace in my life on a daily basis:

Acknowledge with gratitude the way that I first came to know Him.
Receive any forgiveness that someone offers me.
Receive any blessing or any favor that someone offers me.
Receive others' gifts as help and service to me.
Acknowledge with gratitude all the strengths, talents and spiritual gifts that He has given to me.
Use my gifts to give out grace to others.
Be confident that when I pray, He is immediately giving me the help that I ask for.

So...here we go. Let's just see what happens. Who knows?...maybe you'll be part of it! I'll keep you updated as the week goes on. I already know what I'm to do...an idea I had 2-3 days ago. I'll keep you wondering for now and let you know what happens.

Crumbs of grace

It's like I was just starting to eat a big amazing piece of cake and now all that's left for me is crumbs...before I really even took a big bite.

That's how much grace I've been giving myself. Crumbs.

Somewhere between 3-4 months after Zoe was born I just ran out of grace for myself. Suddenly instead of thinking "good job on losing 95% of that baby weight so fast" I was thinking "damn these last 3 pounds, why can't I just get them off?!" I changed from thinking "good job on making a good dinner a couple times this week" to "where's the menu plan and homemade meals this week - can't you pull that together since you're home all day long?!" I went from being satisfied that all my kids were loved, together and happy to "where's the intellectual stimulation, creative activities and why can't you get your act together and take them all to the museum?"

It's riddled with self-blame, perfectionism and rules. It's not grace. And I think it's been making me angry. You know, angry on a deeper level. Angry that I can't quite do it. It seems I went from giving myself grace in the time after Zoe's birth to figure out how to mother 3 kids...and now, somewhere between months 3 and 4 I decided that I needed to have it all figured out, cook great, look great and basically be having fun again and making sure my kids were having fun too.

Well, guess what? I'm not having that much fun. And I don't think I will until I figure out how to receive a little bit more grace.

Aren't you glad you read this?! :-)

Ah-hah!

Now that's better. This little lady is looking better than ever after logging some time in the full sun of the shepherd's hook.

(And no, the irony of that name has not escaped me).

I love petunias.