Her name is Bonnie. I've known her for 14 years now. We've always gotten along pretty well and I would have told you that I liked her well enough. About a year ago something started to change. I realized I was seeing her differently -- that I had been gaining appreciation for her and seeing things in her that I had never noticed before. Let me indulge you about what I see...
She has faith - beautiful, simple, vulnerable faith. And she looks for God around her every day. She sees herself in a humble light. She has 2 great sons and if you ask her to tell you how she parented them and how come they're so good...she just says "I spent time with them and told them I loved them." She's never had a lot of money and it's of very little consequence to her. She saves her money to vacation right on the beach -- not a block away -- the condo needs to be just feet from the water. Because she wants to hear the sound of the waves. (I was raised in a family that would have said that was a silly waste of money... we can just stay a couple blocks off the beach and walk there.) She goes and serves communion at nursing homes because she believes that those folks shouldn't be cut off from experiencing something that God has commanded us to do.
I used to see all these things differently... here's what I used to see: a woman who was simple to a fault. I would have told you that she hadn't really experienced life. She lived in the same house her entire adult life...from 20 - 50 years old. She wasn't well-traveled or well-read. I might have chocked up her 2 sons to luck or their natural good tempers. I used to think that she loved the rituals in the Catholic church and the virgin Mary because she had to or because someone else told her that was the right thing to do. I never would have thought she sought God in a real way. In my up-bringing she had not much to look up to... not much of value... she had no big life experiences; hadn't seen the world, hadn't read the Classics.
As I've gotten to know God I've realized that "my foolish heart was darkened" - that my pride was making the things of God look bad or wrong. What I've realized is that the exact things that are most like the Lord in her are the ones I criticized so self-righteously just 3 or 4 years ago...
Pursuing Dreams
6 months ago
1 comment:
God has been working on me in much the same way. There is an ugly and prideful place in me named Judgment, and I exercise it way too often. I say I love certain people, but the words I speak about their choices (or how I perceive their choices) are not helpful or encouraging, and they reveal an arrogance that is unacceptable to God. Why should I know better? Why do I think I have all the answers sometimes? Pride. Yucky, stinky, nasty, selfish pride. In truth, all the good in my life is straight from Heaven and the "Father of lights" and I deserve none of it. When I awaken to praise God and ask Him for His will, I find I can truly focus on others and love them and serve them. When my first thoughts are about MY desires, MY schedule, MY will...well, other people get in MY way and on MY nerves. Lately I have seen what a gift others are to me and how grateful I am (or should be) for their presence and voices in my life. I'm going to call my mother-in-love today to tell her I love her and appreciate her.
Post a Comment