Wednesday freedom

There's something happening for which I'm really grateful: I get a sitter now every Wednesday from 10am-2pm. As of last week.
Bill and I have been doing a marriage study (it's a great one...thanks Dora and Steven!). And one of the weeks talked about how husbands can equip their wives and give them freedom and authority to pursue their gifts and dreams. During this talk we both agreed that God seems to be poking at me lately to do 2 things -- spend time with other women (shepherding/mentoring) and say yes to opportunities to teach. The only problem is that both of those things require time. Time away from the kids. Time to think. Time to write. Time to just be with other women (fully) and/or be with God (fully).

So? Bill agreed that we could spend the money for me to have a sitter every Wednesday for a few hours.

This has been an interesting act of receiving for me. I didn't know that I had something in me that said "you shouldn't be spending any money for a sitter unless you're bringing in money for income." Wow. I shared that with Bill and he said ...uh...NO. He told me that my freedom was worth this and that I should go for it. So I am.

The biggest part of making this happen was DECIDING. Just making a decision and then GOing. I've been asking God to show me how to pursue my dreams without a hint of performance. And maybe this is a good example of it: sharing my dreams with Bill, receiving freedom from him to go for it, committing to actually follow through (to people who would hold me accountable for actually going and getting a sitter!), and then moving through the discomfort of receiving. And choosing to receive it despite voices that tell me different.

Now that I've done it twice I'm hearing those voices on my way out the door and feeling that lurch in my heart 'is this really ok?' 'is this selfish?' 'are my kids ok with a sitter?' 'am I missing out on good time with them?' And then I just leave anyway. Because Bill, God and my friends have said this is good.

Well, I'll keep you posted. But I think we're off to a good start.