My Friend, Amy

Those of you who know me from Cincinnati probably don't know my friend Amy Riep. I want you to meet her. Because I want everyone to meet her. Amy is my oldest and dearest friend. She and I grew up 2 doors apart and spent our childhood running across the Trimble's front yard to ring each other's doorbell. Our families moved onto the street about 6 months apart when we were 6 years old. That makes this a 25 year friendship. Wow. I like to imagine that our friendship might be the biggest reason that God steered both our families into the homes (where both sets of parents still live). Who knows but it's a nice thought. Here's a few reasons why I love her:

• Amy brought me to Jesus with her friendship. She wasn't there the moment I made that decision to receive Him but if not for her I would never have come to know Him so early in my life (16 yrs old).


• Amy gave me "The Alli Simpkins Bible" (as it is affectionately called for my maiden name embossed on the front cover). The spot I learned that I loved God's words.


• Amy is hilarious: witty, self-deprecating, with the most infectious laugh.


• Amy is honest and completely authentic - no pretense.


• Amy continues to feel familiar to me even after sometimes a year or longer of not seeing each other (when she decides to move to South Africa every now and then). This familiarity is GOD in her...she is always pursuing God and so am I. That keeps our friendship in Him and not completely dependent upon time/space/location.


• Amy is wise.


• Amy has huge faith.


• Amy has encouraged me at the most important times: I remember the phone call when I told her I was leaving P&G to go to work at Crossroads. She later told me it was a moment she knew I had given up pursuing the path of the world. I've never forgotten these words.

For Christmas I wish you all could receive the gift of Amy. But, alas, her blog will have to do: Expectant & Beyond (on my list to the left)...check it out sometime.

(And yes - that picture was taken almost 3 years ago...)

Rejection

I'm thinking about how "rejection" works in my life and others' lives. When I say rejection I mean something internal that happens when you feel that you've been rejected by another person or when you reject someone else: I'd call either one of those a way "rejection" works in our lives.

Yesterday, I saw 2 instances of rejection at work: me feeling rejected by someone and then, later, someone else feeling rejected by me. So -- I guess you could say "rejection" was hanging around me yesterday. (Ironically, if you checked out my Facebook status from yesterday afternoon, it would say "Alli really wishes she were with her friends right now"). So I find it fascinating that a spirit of rejection would be at work on me when I most wanted to be in community with others.

The instance when I felt rejected, I felt really stupid. And then I felt self-blame; like I never should have reached out to them to begin with -- like it was my fault, as though I had done something wrong by trying to engage. I felt naive and ridiculous to think I'd have been received. I wanted to agree I'd never reach out to them again. I felt tempted to completely write off this relationship at that very moment. Yes - that's dramatic...I'm just telling you what went through my head. I think on some level I was tempted to make those agreements just to make myself feel better. I'll just run away and hide. And maybe we just won't be friends anymore so I don't ever have to face the fact that you rejected me.

The instance when someone felt rejected by me, I was totally surprised! I had no idea that was happening and it really made me realize how ignorant I can be to the spiritual things going on around me. I think the spirit of rejection working around me that day found my friend's soft spot of (past) rejection and thought "hey - this is good: i'll just push these 2 people further apart." Luckily, my friend was honest enough to speak it out. Rejection lies to us about someone else's motives... "they're doing that because they don't like you or they don't want to be with you."

Anytime we speak out what we see happening in the spiritual realm (good or bad), we create things that weren't there before. When my friend spoke out loud about rejection, it probably took root somewhere in my spirit and resonated. And today I've realized - hey rejection was just ON me yesterday. That's not my fault but I sure can do something about it.

So here you go, spirit of rejection:
Father - I repent of welcoming and partnering with a spirit of rejection. I take responsibility for entertaining and giving value to the thoughts that rejection put in my head. I don't know what makes me vulnerable to rejection, but I ask you to free me from it. In the name of Jesus, I renounce any agreements I made about my friendships or relationships under the influence of rejection. I know I am received by you and therefore, I am received fully. I know that because of that, I am free to engage in all my friendships without the burden of trying to gain approval and acceptance from them. Because I have it from you. Thanks for that.

The desire of my heart...is a snowman towel?

Last week I was at Kelly's house, and I noticed her cute, new snowman kitchen towels. And I recalled the 2 or 3 times lately I had passed similar towels in Target and wanted them. I'm not really sure why I didn't buy them. But I didn't. They're not that expensive but I just felt some kind of resistence to buying them for myself. I did think several times after that (as I looked at the same kitchen towels I've had since my wedding almost 10 years ago) - 'man, I'd like some cute towels.'
Today I received these snowman towels as a gift from my friend, Lora. As soon as I opened them I heard God say to me "See - I knew you wanted them. I just wanted to be the one to give them." Even when I CAN provide for myself, it's feels so much better when it's from Him.

What time is it?

Time is a funny thing. When I first think of it, I think of a clock and the hours in a day. But I wonder how God thinks of time? I got curious and looked up a bunch of scripture trying to find references to time or the use of time or the priorities around time. And guess what I found? Nothing. I sure did find the word "time" a lot but it was mostly in reference to seasons/eras/years or even "the right time" as directed by the Holy Spirit. But nothing encouraging us or even mentioning the usefulness of time on a clock. Now I do realize that clocks as we know them had yet to be invented, but I still figured (as living and timeless word) that I would be able to read about the Lord valuing time in some fashion as the day goes by.

Interestingly, the clock was first used for this (according to sources on wikipedia) "Medieval religious institutions required clocks to measure and indicate the passing of time because, for many centuries, daily prayer and work schedules had to be strictly regulated."

Is a clock a key device of the enemy? To focus us on what's being lost or what's yet to be? To have us in a state of hurry or a state of regret? Could a clock be a partner of the Religious Spirit? With origins like that quote above, I sure do question that.

But what I found in scripture I would characterize with the passage in Ecclesiastes 3 "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the sun. (sing it with me now)...a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace...." then it goes on to say this "He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end."

So I'm considering whether it's wisest, instead of watching clocks that we, instead, ask the Lord what time it is? I asked him this morning what season I'm in and he used that passage to tell me that I'm in a season of birth, planting, laughter and dancing and a season of speaking. I'm not yet sure what all these things mean but I know these things don't take place by the clock...they evolve as I follow the Lord and allow time to pass...sometimes unnoticed.

Birth, Laughter, Dancing, Planting....

I am usually very big on being careful with time and disciplined about how it's used each day. And there is wisdom in that as scripture does encourage us always to be faithful with our resources, our work, be persistent and prudent, etc. But I can so often get caught up in the day's work that I forget to ask God "what season am I in?" and, therefore, discard the clock whenever necessary.

Why do you blog?

So I'm struggling with whether to actually blog or not. I just keep thinking that a blog should have a POINT...to keep in touch with distant relatives, to share some specific topic with others who care (thinking of an attorney-friend's "tax issues" blog). I love to write. Always have. There's something appealing about this but I don't quite know what it is. And I can't quite bring myself to commit to it. My original idea was just to write to GET OUT what was inside me that didn't have another outlet. But why can't I just write it on a piece of paper -- why is blogging different? Is it the community experience of sharing a blog? Ultimately, I don't want to be some blow-hard who just wants others to hear me talk (or write, in this case). So -- for you few who I'll send this link to: here's the question -

Why do you blog?

PS - Doesn't the red haired girl look like she's pondering "to blog or not to blog?"

Moms Know Things

Moms know things that other people don't. Sometimes God will speak to me in these weird moments of mothering where I feel Him saying "yep - that's how you should be with me." It seems something that comes with giving yourself fully over to the process of motherhood is that you begin to gain astounding new insights about what's it's like to be in relationship to God. Moments with your children are actually teaching your heart how to be a child with God.

This is a picture of me and Andrew at the Blue Manatee "Music Time with Miss Megan." We get 30 minutes to sing, dance and have some fun together (when I'm not chasing down Luke who is crawling away and pulling books off the shelf!). This was a moment when God just spoke to my heart and said "dancing - YES - let's do that." From the outside I probably look like an ass but inside I'm enjoying the excuse to dance around with a scarf and jingle bells.
A few of my friends have noted that I spend more time on-the-floor-playing with my boys. I am not sure exactly why I do this more than most except that something happens when I just give myself over to it... I enjoy myself and they enjoy me.
Many timesI find myself trying to grab at any time I have to be alone instead of realizing that I get to be with them. Yes, sometimes play-time isn't fun at all and I have other things I want to do. Yes, I want to have my own space and time. But No, I've never gotten to the end of my day and thought "I wish I hadn't played with them so much today."
I think a God of infinite time would spend as much time as we wanted to spend with him dancing around with scarves and jingle bells. Feel free to try this in your living room: let me know how it goes.

God is stirring

I feel like something is brewing in me. I think God is stirring up dreams. I have this feeling inside that I can only describe as "bigness" that is dying to come out. It's the knowledge that I'm destined for something great - something huge, wonderful and special. Something that God has carved out just for me.
The last 2 days I've been thinking about 2 particular dreams I have: to work with prisoners and to offer grace and restoration to women who have had abortions. Now I have never been in prison and never had an abortion...so sometimes I wonder; why these? But nevertheless, I must confess - especially the prisoner dream is heavy on my heart right now. I began searching around online trying to find someone or something that is close to this dream that maybe I could "join" or at least join-in-with. So far: no luck. Could it be that God is stirring up something unique in me?
I think about all the "givens" in my life: the absolutes - the things that I am committed to with my whole heart and they begin to sound like barriers to other dreams coming true. I repent of believing the lie that God cannot, will not or doesn't want to do something glorious, beautiful, big, unique and earth-shattering with my life and my dreams.
What I mean by givens is this: I am married and 100% committed first and foremost to my husband: to respecting him, loving him and serving him. I have 2 children: Andrew and Luke. I am committed to be a mother. I am only beginning to discover all the things that really means. And it changes all the time. Sometimes I'm tempted to believe that this dream of motherhood (a dream that God placed in me, I believe) is the only dream I am allotted for my life. And that I'm selfish or broken or restless if I have any other dreams. I'm sick of second-guessing this so until further notice by God: I reject this thinking and say that God has LOTS of dreams for me and being a mother and these dreams are NOT mutually exclusive.

"God I want your dreams to come true in me. I submit my life to you bringing your dreams to life in me." The dreams of God probably look a lot like: friendship, love, grace, compassion, renewal, restoration, reconciliation and forgiveness. I hope He is continually deepening in me the desire to live these dreams out for my family, my friends, my community and all the people chosen by God at the foundations of the earth.

I care deeply about people receiving freedom from grace. Freedom from their pasts. Freedom from shame. Freedom from the version of themselves that Satan has encouraged them to buy into for years or for a whole lifetime. I believe it is never to late to free someone from these things. This is my dream. And I love being a mom so I care about mothers receiving freedom from children they rejected and I care deeply about prisoners receiving freedom from the shame and patterns that have defined their lives and landed them in jail. I know what it feels like to be in the jail of shame; to have your real self, your life, your relationships and every moment of your day defined by an all-encompassing, devastating shame. I don't want anyone spending one more minute being shut down by shame. And I'm guessing that the Lord put in me to care for mothers and prisoners because there's a whole lot of shame in the choices of a mother who has had an abortion and a prisoner who's had to make at least one choice they're ashamed of. We can be done paying for our sins with shame. That's a currency that's unacceptable to God. Shame is bullshit. The only thing that God accepts for currency for our sin is His Son Jesus. The Good News is that He is alive and we can hide in Him and find rest, peace and a shame-free, Godly existence... no matter what our past. Now THAT'S some good news worth sharing.
And I want all the moms and prisoners that the Lord puts on my heart to know that there is a new version of them waiting - a free one, a good one, a pure one, a loving/loveable/loved one and especially one that is totally and completely freed from the shame of their past mistakes.